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A bit of advice.

People say lots of things to make you feel better when you’re in the midst of a crisis. Most of it I find sort of nice. It shows that these people care about your family. But some things they just say because they don’t know what else to say. My favorite this week has been: [...]

Reality bites.

I had written something in here months ago about my father in law and some health issues he was having. We thought it was dementia. Last Monday we found out it’s actually a brain tumor. It’s really not the kind of story I feel like typing out here. We’re still in that initial crisis mode [...]

Happy thoughts.

Parker is a prolific artist. She produces a great deal of work. And she keeps it. ALL of it. And if you “accidentally” throw something away she knows it and you get in trouble. Big trouble. This is one of her new pieces. I call it “Happy Springtime Blooming Penis.”

Bad Timing.

I picked the wrong week to give up sweets. Last weekend I decided that I needed to detox. I’ve been practically mainlining peanut M&M’s since Christmas. And frankly, it’s making me sick. So Monday was my Day One. I was planning to eat nothing but healthy foods for seven days to see if it would [...]

Making shanks.

On Monday, at my Brownie meeting, I let my girls carve soap with pocketknives. Real knives. It was all very exciting. They love danger. It went really well, certainly better than I had expected. They all listened to the rules about knife safety – they don’t usually listen. They sat and stayed focused on the [...]

Shelves etc.

We had a very busy weekend here at the homestead. Saturday morning Tempel and Parker and ParkersbestfriendAnna and I all went to IKEA to get shelves for T’s room. We had to make T’s room fabulous because my mom got P a desk for her birthday and we’re all even-steven around here. So I check [...]

Up for anything.

Me: Hey. How was your day?

Scott: It sucked. And yours?

Me: It sucked and my client was mean to me and then I cried.

Scott: Nice.

Me: Yeah.

Scott: We should just move.

Me: Ok. Where do you want to go?

Scott: Mexico.

Me: Really? Why Mexico?

Scott: Why not? It’s cheap and there’s a beach and it’s close enough to EST that [...]

Three things that annoyed me today.

ONE:

Parker has decided that if she uses a British accent then she can say anything she wants to me without any repercussions whatsoever.

“Mother, you are ever so stupid. And really quite an idiot.”

This pisses me off. For some reason when she invokes the language of Mary Poppins and starts saying mean shit to me it [...]

Homework. Daddy Style.

Me: Scott, can you help Tempel with her homework? She has to get on a website to take a quiz or play a game or something. I’m not sure but I don’t want her randomly surfing the web.

Scott: Computer. Got it. Game. Computer game…. Tempel! Come here! Look what I found! It’s Centipede! I loved [...]

Hippychick

As I’m crawling slowly through the carpool lane I notice a boy wearing a huge afro wig. And then a girl wearing some outrageous bellbottom pants. With a peace sign painted on her cheek.

Me: Oh no.

Tempel & Parker: What?!

Tempel: Did you forget my snack?! Parker: Did you forget my lunch?!

Tempel & Parker together: My homework!?

Me: [...]