It's not procrastination, it's spon-tan-eous.

My mother and my sister are those pre-pack list people. They plan for weeks. They make things-to-be-packed piles. They cross check their lists. They call each other and bitch about their slacker daughter/sister. That would be me. But whatever, I’m the anti-Virgo. I was born under the wrong sign. I just can’t plan that far ahead.

I like to just toss things together the night before we leave. I like to call the fancy-schmancy doggie daycare kennel and say, “Do you have room for the cutest puppy ever?” They’re so accommodating, “Of course we do ma’am. We just have to make sure he passes our FIVE HOUR temperament test.” Oh, you wacky dog people. Of course he passed. He’s the cutest puppy ever, hello! So I picked Brewster up and had a chat with the dog whisperer who said, “I think he will be ok to board here after some daily visits to become acclimated. So in time he should be fine.” Oh, I’m about to blow her pet loving mind, “Yeah, we’re leaving tomorrow morning so I’m glad he’ll be happy here.” So then the dog lady looked at me like I had just said, “We’ve decided to implant little bags of heroine into the baby’s body cavities to use him as a mule for smuggling shit into the country.” But that’s not what I said. And he’s just a dog. I think he’ll be ok. Is it just me? There are other dogs to play with and air conditioning and fancy dog beds and doggie ice cream at bedtime. And you know, he’s a dog!

And I feel bad about it anyway because I’m cheating on my regular kennel. My vet, my neighbor. But the dog needs to be spoiled rotten. And have playtime allllll day. And have doggie ice cream at bedtime. So he can fatten up for our drug smuggling caper that I’m planning.

Then, the night before we left town I thought, Oh my other baby. My blog. I need some sitters. So I sent out a few emails. I know it’s last minute blah blah blah wanna guest post? The women, who are used to handling last minute fires said Sure! and the man said Dude you’re crazy! So a few peeps will be stopping by this week to babysit. I know you’ll be nice to them. Everyone likes the babysitters. Right? Right.