At the beginning of every year I think to myself, “Self, when are you supposed to start those prophylactic allergy meds again?” Because if I start the Allegra-D early enough I won’t start sneezing. My head won’t swell. I won’t bitch about being allergic to springtime for three months.

But my self can’t remember when I’m [...]

Back in the early 90’s when I was new to the workforce the country was in a Recession. It was more of a pothole compared to the Grand Canyon that the country is in right now but you know, bygones. So when work slowed down in our company the big boss lady gave us all [...]

We had a great weekend with good friends in Florida. I may have to post pictures. There was a baby. A really cute baby. And you know what else? It’s warm there. I had a hard time getting Scott to leave. He is a delicate hothouse flower and does not like the cold.

My mom watched [...]

I’m taking the kids to St. Augustine this weekend to visit a friend. You know what the absolute greatest single thing about St. Augustine is? Well, I’ll tell you. It is that my sister – who lives in the Midwest and gets up every day to drive her kids to Catholic school and who knows [...]

My computer has been acting weird for months now. I watch tv so I know the signs: apathy, loss of interest in things it used to like, sluggishness, avoiding old friends… My computer is mixed up with some bad characters. It could be *gulp* drugs. You know in the movies when the international terrorist [...]

Life is so messy. You know that right? I always think it’s so funny the way people get their house all in order, all straight, all perfect and then the storm of muddy shoes and dog hair comes barreling through the door. Then the people are so shocked. I just had this place all in [...]

The people down here, in the South, are not accustomed to winter. Even though it comes around ever year. As if it were planned or something. They just can’t take the cold. It confuses them. I know it’s February but why is it so cold?! Um, because it’s winter?

Anyway. This week we are having one [...]

I got my haircut yesterday. I know, alert the media. I go into a haircut thinking it holds the promise of a new me. I will walk in with my hair in a ponytail as Before Carolyn with my list of things to do that I never quite finished tucked in my jeans and I [...]

Parker: Mom! Look at the pictures I made in art today.

Me: Um, this one in particular catches my eye.

Parker: Thanks.

Me: So, what is it?

Parker: Geez, you know.

Me: Yes. Yes, I do know. It’s clearly a giant pink penis crown.

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Scott was sick on Saturday. Oh, I forgot, you already knew that. You probably heard him. Around 2 AM? Yes, now you remember. I know you were wondering what that Heave Heard ‘Round the World was. It was Scott.

It is his Standard Operating Procedure to accuse me of poisoning him whenever he gets sick. It’s [...]