Well, I’ve just returned from South Beach and I must say I was shocked and alarmed at the deplorable situation down there. How has there not been an organized public outcry about this?!

First of all the residents are starving. I would say that easily 95% of the population of Miami could use a sandwich. Many [...]

ME: Hey South Beach. *wink*

SoBe: …sigh….

ME: What?

SoBe: What are you doing here?

ME: I’m here for the weekend. With m’girlfriends. Holla!

SoBe: Don’t do that.

ME: What?

SoBe: You’re too old to “holla.”

ME: Rude.

SoBe: And what is that you’re wearing.

ME: A dress.

SoBe: It’s a muumuu and it [...]

You know what’s tricky? Going to dinner with that group of fun people with the kids in tow when you want the fun people to like you and invite you back. It’s tricky. You want to be fun. And you want the kids to not embarrass you. There are so many potential landmines.

But we like [...]

ca-coph-o-ny [kuh-kof-uh-nee] noun:

1. harsh discordance and meaningless mixture of sound as produced by 150 third graders

Tempel, however, was a virtuoso. Of course. You could totally hear her three perfect notes over the din. And I know she was in that first row of chairs because she’s so amazingly awesome and not because she fidgets and [...]

Artwork by Parker is always full of blog fodder. And ammunition for the therapist later in life. But it has taken a turn. Unlike “Happy Springtime Blooming Penis” seen here:

And certainly not as regal as the “Penis Crown” seen here:

Now the penile theme has gone dark. Showing the seedier side of things. This [...]

I was picking Tempel up from a friend’s grandmother’s house yesterday – yes, I will let anyone have my kids – and this place was swank. As soon as I walked in I thought, “Who do I have to Madoff to get my mom into a swank pad like this?” My mom’s lovely apartment is [...]

Spring is here – as you know because I can’t breath. I’m thinking of starting a whole new splinter blog about allergies and sneezing and pollen. We will be a militant underground phenomenon and will threaten to napalm parks and pave over golf courses. Stay tuned for the manifesto.

But today I am happy to announce [...]

I’m stealing this here blog post format from Ms. Picket. She won’t care. She’s all my blog is your blog. Go read this post of hers – it’s my favorite one of her “Things you Can Count On” posts. Really, go read it. But come back when you’re finished.

1. You will decide that the 14 [...]

I have these boots. See them down there? They are awesome brown comfy boots that I bought at Wal-Mart before our Thanksgiving trip last year. Yes, I said Wal-Mart. What?… So because they’re from Wal-Mart they probably support child labor somewhere. So I guess I’m Pro Child Labor. Super.

Anyway, now that spring has sprung [...]

Scott finally got his own car. For the past year he has been driving the mommobile – that we got for ME because it has third row seating and I can fit lots of laborers neighborhood kids in the back – and I was driving the battery operated Barbie Jeep. Not really. We don’t even [...]