Fifteen years ago at 7:00 AM I was waking up with an absolutely horrific hangover.

Fifteen years ago at 8:00 AM I was sitting in an empty hair salon having my hair glued into an up-do.

Fifteen years ago at 8:00 AM Scott was in a tuxedo driving to the church with my mother and sister. My [...]

Even before her birth Parker has had two responses to everything I have ever said or done. They are:

1.) But why mommy. And 2.) But you can’t make me.

I know, right? How awesome is that? All of you other mom’s are so jealous of my baby spawn right now.

*******

“Parker, mommy needs you to go ahead [...]

My mother-in-law came by this weekend. See? I have forensic evidence.

Those are her butts. In my planter.

Anyway, we were chatting about her feeling the need to stockpile gold and weapons or something, you know, because we have a Muslim terrorist as the President. I still don’t know why they are convinced that Obama is evil [...]

I’ve made the decision to get the hell out share the Girl Scout leader duties with another mom. This was not an easy decision for be because it turns out I’m a control freak when it comes to my Brownies.

I didn’t realize my control issues for a while but there you have it. My way [...]

This morning on the way to school Parker would not stop poking at Tempel. Literally poking at her. Poke. Poke. Poke.

Parker is a morning person. The rest of the people in this household are not. Yet more evidence that Parker is in fact an alien sent here to infiltrate our human world and needle us [...]

*** This is an email exchange between me, my sister Julie, and my mother.

ME: I can’t believe I forgot to ask you about this… Julie, WHY did you feel the need to make sure mom knew what teabagging is?

JULIE: I didn’t “feel the need” to tell her, it just came up naturally in conversation. When [...]

…Continued.

Can you think of anything more fun that being in someone else’s house and being that sick? How about if you add nine other people to the house. And really just the one big bathroom that I violated in a way that should have made them all want to toss me into the North Sea. [...]

After 12 hours of flying I landed in the city of Amsterdan which is in the region of Holland in the country of The Netherlands (I am all about teaching you people something along the way) all stinky and tired and confused. I tried to sleep on the plane. I explained to the foolish youth [...]

I tried to publish a post from my Blackberry this morning but all that actually posted was the title. Why is my Blackberry such a bitch sometimes? Is there anyone out there that knows how to pull a Jedi mind trick on the stupid thing so that I can post comments and blog posts via [...]

**** I’m not saying I Bogart the dutchie. I don’t partake. I’m just not a smoker. Sorry cIII. I know it hurts you a little in some kind of life is a cruel joke kind of way. ****Hey Carolyn, come to Amsterdam and be the godmother to my kids when they get Baptized. Oh my [...]