Wordy.

This is a totally self-indulgent blog related post so if you are not a blogger and want to come back tomorrow I may be showing a video of my dog BEGGING for celery and raw squash. It’s a hoot.

Oh who am I kidding. I hate posting video because my voice sounds weird on it and not at all like it sounds in my head. I’m pretty sure it’s the equipment – not my voice. Always blame the equipment.

Ok first of all, I would like to personally invite all of you to dig around in your blog settings and change your email address for comments from “noreply at blogger dot com” to your real email address. I can’t tell you how to do it because I’m not that savvy. Just keep poking around in there and you’ll find it. Sometimes you people crack me up and I want to email you and tell you how funny you are but my emails keep going to the dead letter office. So changing your email address would help me a lot. ‘Preciate it.

Another thing. I’m all into the whole internet security thing – I almost never tell the internet when I’m out of town because of the rampant cat burglars and such that would knowingly invade my home. I know it’s stupid but it’s Scott’s paranoia not mine. Hi honey! *waving*

But Word Verification. For those of you who use it, can you tell me the point of the captcha word verification thing? Seriously. I know there’s that urban legend about Robot Spaminators but I’ve been blogging for years and have never had an invading army of robots try to dominate my comment box. Maybe I’m not worthy of robot domination.

But for real, fill a girl in on the point of it. All I know is my computer remembers the time I typed in TRIXTY and so when I’m trying to type in TRISQY it tries to fill it in for me and I really hate it when it goes all Hal on me like that. Plus sometimes they morph the letters so that people reading over my shoulder won’t be able to read them or something but my eyes are almost 40 and I can’t read the wiggly words and I type the thing in wrong and it denies me. I’m so tempted to hit the handicap symbol they have in there for the handicapped. What will it do? Read it to me? They aren’t real words. How would it do that? But I don’t hit the button because that’s all I need is for my computer to think I’m retarded. It already knows I can’t spell.

Then there are the awards. I think awards are super cool. It’s like you’re telling someone out loud that you like their writing. And clearly we’re all whores for positive affirmation or we wouldn’t be writing on the internet in the first place. Don’t deny it. But I can never remember to follow up on the awards. I don’t have a “policy” against memes or anything, I’m just a bit lazy and tend toward flaky. I read someone’s whole explanation about why he doesn’t do memes – he had a policy against it. How cool would it be if you were organized enough to have an actual policy on such things?

Anyway, in a perfect world maybe I would have all (do you like the way I’m saying “all” as if there are so many that it’s become tedious? I’m a laugh riot.) of those awards and badges and widgets and I’ve Been Featured On… things in my sidebar. But it seems like a lot of work and there are so many other things I’m working on at the moment. For example, I would like to develop a tennis ball that is 1/4″ larger in diameter so that it won’t fit underneath my couch. I spend an inordinate amount of time fishing that damn ball out from under things for my barking dog. See? I’m busy.

And I’m ok with the folks who have comment clubs or proven systems to increase their numbers or their followers or whatever thing it is that they’re doing to “monetize.” I love that they have a word for that. Monetize. If you can make money off of your thing more power to you. I think it’s great. It’s not why I started blogging or why I continue to blog so I can’t play that game. It seems like a lot of work. And I think I’ve made it pretty clear I’m busy with the tennis ball thing. But sometimes I look at my blog and think, “Oh you look lonely and unadorned. Maybe I should…” Then the dog loses his ball and the girls need mac ‘n cheese and my new Met Home just came and… what was I doing? See?

Also, I’ve been trying to re-follow whoever is following me – you know in a “Hey good lookin’! Be back to pick you up later” kind of way. But I can’t always find the blog that is hooked to the follower’s name. I don’t know why I can’t figure it out. How do I get into the circle of trust on that thing? Any advice from you very wise and knowledgeable blogwhores? Yes, I said “whore.” You’ve read down this far you must be a ‘ho like me. Don’t deny it.

Oh and for you big ol’ whores out there that are still reading, are you headed to Blogher? I am.

I.

Am.

Excited.

Last year Ms. Picket and I swore an oath to have a kegger at Blogher ‘09.

It’s on.

Well, except for the kegger part. I could probably figure out how to get a keg into the hotel room using a commandeered luggage cart and some service elevators but then ugh I’d have a keg in my room. And how would I get you all there? I don’t Tweet. Or Twit. Or whatever. They’re planning a revolution with Twitter in Iran right now I could probably use it to have a kegger. But then there’d be a keg in my room.

I’m bummed about the demise of the kegger but in lieu of that I would like to invite any of you Blogher attendees to come find me and Ms. Picket at some point. If it’s during the cocktail party we will mosey on up to the bar with you and have a drink which is sort of like a kegger for grown ups. Or if it’s in the middle of one of the sessions we might be willing to sneak out and have some Bloody Mary’s or something in the bar area. We’re pretty easy like that.

I think I just typed the longest blog post in the history of Carolyn Online. If you made it this far – I will buy you a Mickey Mouse pencil holder. Anyone know that movie?

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Last summer Jen W from Serenity Now guest posted for me. This was what she wrote and it still cracks me up.

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