Dear Very Large Men of the Bachelor Party,
First of all, I use the term “men” loosely and will require that you turn in your Man Card by the close of business today.
Don’t look so shocked. The behavior you displayed on Saturday night at the Sheraton was deplorable.
You were at a Bachelor Party. Good god men, have you not seen The Hangover? You should be doing shots of Ruffie laced Jägermeister and ending up naked in your room with strippers and a chicken.
Where is your chicken?!
I mean was crashing a blogging party really your best effort? You’re not going to get a lapdance here. You’re not going to get laid here. You’re not even really going to be able to get drunk here.
Dudes, you are in a room full of middle aged mommy bloggers* wearing McDonald’s bags on your heads and drinking Chardonnay out of plastic cups.
Unfortunately I don’t see that we have a choice… We’re going to need your dicks back. And probably your balls. You know what? Just take your whole package of junk and leave it by the door on your way out to get your mani-pedi’s.
Sincerely, Carolyn Online
* Ok not all of the people in that room were mothers. Or middle aged. Or even women. But still, the odds were not in the Bachelor Party’s favor.
Wow. That's just sad.
You can understand their mistake…you all being MILFs and cougar-ish.
I am embarrassed that someone will one day procreate with one of these men. Except for the McDonald's Bag hat guy. He looks like he's hysterical!
See. It's a Good thing I didn't go. I wouldn't have been able to let that Foul behavior slide.
Bossy asked me to go over to them and talk to them (presumably to ask them to leave). As I was telling them they shouldn't be there, one of them leaned down (because he was way bigger than me) and said, "Dude. Seriously. You have a great thing going on here.")
And then a few other women asked to see their abs.
I did insist they wear the hats though. Because they needed to be ashamed about SOMETHING the next day.
if only the FDNY bachelor party dudes had shown up too. it would have been a bachelor party throw down. with cheeseburgers. and self tanner.
i still would have sung in the bathroom. 'cause that's what i do around unmarried men.
OMG – this post had me laughing and I love that you were able to capture it on film.
If wearing paper bags on their heads is considered fun, imagine what they are like at home.
I heard about these hoseheads but never saw them. They didn't come into the bedroom where the a/c actually worked, I guess.
Oh dear.
Sadly, I am a middle-aged, mom (okay, not drinking chardonnay out of a cup but worse, water) and agree that it was sad that that's the best they could do in terms of finding a good time. Wow, that was the run on sentence of the year. Um, also, I joined Twitter. Where are you?
"World's Dumbest Bachelor Party" sounds like a good name for yet another insidious reality show. Can I use that in my next pitch?
Oh, THAT'S who those guys were? I saw that happening and just walked away as quickly as possible.
It was lovely to meet you and your youthful complexion. You are very funny.
Wendi
Is that one guy over there drinking coffee? Sad, really.
Where's the picture of you and Ms. Picket making fun of them to their faces? I know it must have happened.
I am embarrassed for them!!! That is just sad. . . what were they thinking?
Thats pretty much the rant I gave my now husband on the eve of his bachlor party when I learned he just wanted to "chill and play xbox". LAME! Where has the Animal House mentality gone?
LOL man that is pitiful
So is that why Security shut down the Cheeseburger Party? I was packing and watching the tweets go by….
I have to admit, even sober it doesn't sound like the worst idea…a bunch of hot moms who blog? I'm guessing that was the best odds they were getting that night.
Dammit, I miss all the crazy stuff. That might be the lamest bachelor party ever.
Okay, not sorry I missed this because I was so freaking tired, but really really glad that I didn't miss you and Darcy. It was fabulous to hang out with you a little bit and you totally do look like Cameron Diaz.
sad little bastards…
It was recommended to me that I head on over to meet these guys in the hopes that I would leave Chicago a changed woman. glad I didn't go
Hey Carolyn…
You made me giggle at BlogHer. Some of those ladies, not so much.
Consider your ass bookmarked!
The end.
Love, Stefanie's bitch
Sometimes……….You scare me….a little.
Hey, come on! It's not those guy's fault that they knew a bunch of smart(ish) blogger chicks were more fun than some silicone barbies. They were brought by a blogger, and they were allowed to stay by the hostess because the other guests enjoyed their schtick.
I give them props for seeing beyond the "mom blogger" label and knowing that that party rawked! And Cheeseburger got shut down because it always does- it wouldn't be right if it didn't! In fact, I heard security was a little slow this year and it went on for an unprecedented length. I'm only sad that I forgot to put a bag on my head. Next year…
As a Cheeseburgher hostess, I will say I went over to kick them out and found a whole passel of women giggling and chatting and nervously fluttering over them.
I talked to them and decided they could stay. They were genuinely nice and polite, BOSSY seemed to think they were on the up and up, and even after the party got busted, they went down with the rest of the guests and hung out with them in the lobby.
Besides, I like to think that we were the best thing going that night. What bachelor party WOULDN'T have wanted to be there?!
Also? This speaks VERY well for the future groom. He could have been at some sleazy strip club, and he chose instead to chill with a bunch of smartastic women bloggers!
As a co-hostess of the party I can tell you that I personally escorted some underage boys out, but these guys? Were awesome! When I went to check out what was going on, bloggers were having their pictures taken with them!
I can't imagine better proof that we have made strides as a male-centric society than that these guys chose to spend their BACHELOR PARTY in Chicago with a group of mostly taken, mostly 30's, mostly brilliant, mostly moms.
They were free entertainment and we were lovin' it. (Get the McD's reference? Heh.)
Um, they can totally KEEP their balls. I am so not a fan.
This is my favorite BlogHer post so far. I was on my way out as they were walking in and I kept thinking… really??
I had the same thoughts about most of the drunken Guinness corporate conference attendees on Thursday night… just kind of sad and funny to watch.
Sorry I missed you there!
LOL! Sadly I did not make it to the MickeyDees party and had no idea that the bachelor party guys crashed it! One of them followed my roommate around the lobby for a while…screaming her name as she tried to ignore him. WOW! Hate that we missed each other too! Boo! Oh well…we are in ATL…maybe one day!
I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Susan
http://3128proxy.com
i was beginning to contemplate i may well end up being the only human being which thought about this, at the least at present i know im not weird
i will make it a point to see a number of several other articles immediately after i get a bit of caffeine in me, it is very hard to read without my coffee, I was until the wee hours of the morning last night playing facebook poker and after downing a few ales i finished up melting away all my zynga poker chips adios for now 