I’m spending this week introducing you to some of my in-laws via some reposts. Why you may ask? Well, that’s for the big reveal later. And that folks? That’s called a cliffhanger. Or a teaser. I wrote this post after Thanksgiving 2007 and it includes one of my all time favorite brother-in-law stories. My brother-in-law, [...]

These are email conversations between me and my mom that I publish on the internet without her knowledge. Because she’s funny. And I’m sneaky.And as a little background: she works for the governor and likes to pretend to declare things in the name of the office. Also, she’s Ms. Magoo. Every time she walks out [...]

My doorbell rings constantly. It’s usually one of the nice construction workers asking me to move my car, plug in the cord, find a hose, flip the breaker.

Ding. Dong.

Through the square panes of glass I can see nothing but a midsection. This is not one of my usual lean short workers.

Drooping belly. Wrinkled khaki shorts [...]

When Carolyn is turning 40 she will decide she needs a 40 oz beer.While shopping for a 40 oz. beer Carolyn will decide to throw a happy hour.

If she’s going to throw a happy hour she’ll need food to serve her friends.She’ll go to buy pork bar-b-que.

When her friends come to happy hour they will [...]

Parker, who is eight, has a big fat pimple right smack in the middle of her forehead. How did this happen? She looks just. like. me. so in theory she shouldn’t get pimples. Right? Isn’t that how it works? She should get big nasty swollen fever blisters on her lip every time she gets tired [...]

And this is why I will never get corporate sponsorship and no one will ever want to run ads on my sidebar.

A week or so ago I went to a yoga event hosted by a blogger and sponsored by a company toting a new bug repellent product. I don’t actually do yoga or practice yoga [...]

ME: Parker, grandma is taking you to the toy store but you have to use your own money to buy something.

PARKER: You mean my allowance?

ME: Yes, your allowance. You’ll have to actually spend some of that money you’re hoarding.PARKER: Huh. Ok, then I have a plan. I will buy the stuff I really really want [...]

I don’t engage in internet brawling. It’s too easy to type type type and then walk away. And for the most part none of it’s real. And things get taken the wrong way or blown up and who’s got the time?

I’ve got mac + cheese to make.

But a funny thing happened tonight. I was having [...]

School has started. Please notice the red Uggs. Ugh is right. Yesterday was the first day of third and fourth grade for my spawn. And it was fanfuckingtastic. Sorry to be so crass. I really like school. I mean six whole hours of my kids off learning stuff and leaving me to my own devices? [...]

Yesterday Parker and I got up at a grossly early hour and drove down to Ft. Benning to watch my friend’s husband take over command of the Army Rangers.

Nothing like having a few thousand cute Army peeps waving at me. Or wait, maybe they were saluting their new colonel. Whatever.

Not only am I proud of [...]