I don’t engage in internet brawling. It’s too easy to type type type and then walk away. And for the most part none of it’s real. And things get taken the wrong way or blown up and who’s got the time?
I’ve got mac + cheese to make.
But a funny thing happened tonight. I was having a verbal barrage of email ping-pong with Ms. Picket like I do many nights and this one? Well, this one ended in her getting wickid pissed (as they say in the north) at a comment a fellow blogger made.
I thought I would try to stand up, explain, throw-down, bow up. But I think Ms. Picket handled it pretty well. She defends. Herself. Me. The Book we made. Don’t mess with the P.
So I thought I’d show you how the smackdown came to be. So here you go, the birth of a smackdown. Carolyn Online / Ms. Picket style:
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Carolyn: Go read BHJ’s new blog’s post about blogher.
Picket: Well one I guess we hate Jen Lancaster. And two I kinda wish I got to see some of those panels damn jet blue and three if u ever see bhj in a trench coat, fucking duck. Also I think I am going after Middle Aged Woman on my blog. No one calls baby a dolt. NO ONE.
I think I need a drink. Or maybe it’s the fact that I have ridiculous period cramps and my hair is afro-esque.
Nope, just need a drink.
Carolyn: One, yes. I hate her. I’m a hater. But she calls herself a bitch so it’s fair.
Two, I was there but missed that part. And she’s still a bitch. And you should sue JetBlue.
Three: Duck. And run. And bob. And weave. You make a harder target.
And I’m afraid if you give in to your drink you’ll go to the dark side…. Send it to me first so I can see if you’re committing blogocide.
Picket: No seriously: my hands are shaking. Coming in like five secs. It’s probably not mean enough.
Carolyn: Oh shit! Girl Fight! I’m reading….
Picket: READ FASTER
Carolyn: Holy shit. The Darc be pissed. Did she say that self-published authors are talentless dolts? Did she actually use the word “dolt?” Because self-published Deb on the Rocks was on that panel and she is – in my opinion – wildly talented.
And MAW? Well, I’m not sure because I don’t read it. But anyone who hits publish on their blog is a self-published author. Right?
But I’m not sure you want to be perceived as mean or bitchy or god-forbid jealous. Don’t hit publish yet. Breathe. I’ll be right back.
Picket: SHE DID SAY DOLT!!!!!!
Carolyn: OH SHIT. You badass! You hit publish!
Bring. It. On.
I got yo back.
Picket: Cause she did say that right? Did you just go read it? Should I copy it verbatim?
Carolyn: Wait. It’s just the title. Did you know you posted just the title? I’m cracking up and cringing and pissed all at the same time.
Picket: What title? WHATTTTT?
Carolyn: I’m seriously cracking up at our anger. It SOO doesn’t matter. And we are SOO pissed. And you totally just put her name – and her name alone – as the title of the post and hit publish and walked away. And it’s cracking me up.
Picket: OH FUCK! CRAP. FIXING STAT!
Carolyn: Oh you feisty lil bitch. I’m so glad to know when the shit goes down on the playground that you’ve got my back. Booyah.
Picket: DONE. FOR REALZ. Seriously, no one fucks with me and my peeps. I do feel better.
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And there you have it people. Rawr.
.
I'm frightened.
Okay, not really. I've been to war and stuff (twice).
I was agape when BHJ told me about this comment and that we was going to write about it on his "BlogHer" recap post. And then he did. I'm glad.
LMAO! I can't wait to read your book. Like watching cats mate in a pillowcase. Except you are both straight girls. And you can't see through pillowcases. Or something like that!
Eh, Jen? Not worth hating. It's a debatable point that didn't get due discussion, and she just tried to be incendiary because bitchy and smug is her brand and she was competing with Stephanie sitting on the panel telling everyone to lie about stats! What else could she do? She did a good job and got buzz.
Well, I gotta hand it to ya, Nobody calls ANYBODY a DOLT! (whatever that is)!
And anyone who can publish a book, self-published or not and get people to read it has talent, skill, and should be recognized as the author(s) they are!
I think you guys got it outtayour systems. . . Good. . . now it won't turn into an ulcer and cause you trouble later.
And I just BET, that person knows where she stand with you both!
you know, reading this?
i think you should make it a book.
a fucking SELF PUBLISHED book that only stupid people do.
but yeah, do it.
Um, yeah…ditto here on my comment posted over with Ms. P on the topic.
Hey, you did more than most. You finished the book in you and got it out there for everyone to read.
Does it matter if it's published, self-published, if people buy and read your book?
I was TOTALLY wondering why I got just the title in my reader last night…and then….nothing. It was the weirdest thing. Good thing I checked back later to get the full scoop – I would have missed the smackdown!
I think we should all get together and write a book called "dolts" and self publish it. We can each do a topic and have our own page. I call shotgun on "vaginas."
Maybe it's too early for me, but I'm confused. Are we talking Unmitigated, MAW? What happened?
and we PUBLISH our own comments too, middle aged woman!
Just commented over at Picket's place.
I love you guys.
Muskrat, don't be frightened. You can hide behind my wide middle-aged ass.
How about I rephrase: Even an idiot like me can self-publish without advice from BlogHer. Why would I want to sit in on a panel talking about that?
Sorry if you youngsters were offended, it was not my intention to complain about anything but BlogHer.
Also, as I told Darcy, you both know where my blog is. If you have an issue with me, why wouldn't you bring it to me? Glad Darcy at least got a good post out of it.
@MAW I'm sorry your name got banded abuot on the web. I almost emailed you today to say, "It's here. It's stupid. Please take it with a grain of salt." And of course I wish I had and have no excuse but business and laziness on my part.
Obviously the comment sparked something in Darcy and she went on a rant. I thought posting the whole exchange so that one could see the humor too would diffuse things.
If I thought if were honestly a problem with you in particular and not a problem with the perception of self-publishing I would have emailed you directly.
Thanks for being a good sport and more importantly for calling me a "youngster."
Wait!
Did I miss out on the Mud and Jello portion?!
Damnit!
like i always say you guys need to be more concerned with your real life friends and less concerned with strangers comments.
@ serious – Well…yeah. But what fun is that?
True – i guess that is why everyone is here! including me!
This (pseudo) blog drama is (pseudo) intense! I'm hooked. More clawing and gnashing of teeth please… or just write about your garage-building exhibitionistic adventures. I'm up for reading either.
**types "dolt" in Google search bar**
Rawr. Except it's all over and everyone is friends again. Story of my freaking life
Don't feel bad anymommy – I'm even later then you, they're all braiding each others' hair and shit by now.
There is none of that going on here!
Hang in there anymommy and Dana's Brain. Picket invited me to guest-post while she was gone. I'm sure her readers will rip me a new one. Feel free to join in! It's cathartic! And my shoulders are as wide as my ass.