When Carolyn is turning 40 she will decide she needs a 40 oz beer.
While shopping for a 40 oz. beer Carolyn will decide to throw a happy hour.
If she’s going to throw a happy hour she’ll need food to serve her friends.
She’ll go to buy pork bar-b-que.
When her friends come to happy hour they will bring her many many
40 oz. bottles of beer to help her celebrate.
While celebrating, Carolyn decides that it is hilarious to
refer to them as Fo’tees because beer + Carolyn = hilarious.
When Carolyn wakes up the next day she will decide to do hot yoga
for the first time to get rid of the toxins she has just poured into her body.
When signing up for hot yoga she’ll read that she is supposed
to drink 2 liters of water beforehand to hydrate.
Carolyn doesn’t usually drink water in metric form and
will go online to figure out just how much water that is.
When she goes online she’ll realize that Facebook
has alerted everyone in the known universe to Carolyn’s big day.
When Carolyn realizes that the whole internet knows she is turning 40
she will decide to go ahead and do the yoga instead of blowing it off. Again.
When the yoga starts and the room temperature is 105 degrees
Carolyn will start to sweat out the toxins.
When Carolyn sweats out the toxins
she will realize that they smell like pork bar-b-que.
And if Carolyn starts to smell pork bar-b-que
she’ll need a Fo’tee to go with it.
And around and around we go . . . Have a great and wonderful day, Carolyn!!!! You rock!!
What kind of drink goes with Flamin' Hot Cheetos sweat? You're like a B.O. sommelier.
PS: The kids these days play a game called "Edward Fortyhands", where you duct tape a forty to each hand and you cant untape them until you finish. I would have told you about this had I know you'd be drinking a forty, because you could have impressed all your friends with this classy move.
Also, happy birthday!
You live in Atlanta–why are you paying for hot yoga? Just go sit in your car and reach for things in the back seat and your toxins will come out.
Very funny post. I'm sure you smell delightful.
BBQ and Malt Liquor….
Cake can suck it.
Happy Birthday, C.
You said "pork" (*snicker*).
Happy Birthday! Exclamation Points equal sincerity!!!! Ask Anyone!!!
So would your sweat taste like BBQ sauce? Cause that would be awesome. And potentially dangerous if you didn't shower before leaving.
Oh, and happy birthday.
So cute! Welcome to the club, I've been a member for a few years now. And hot yoga in this weather? No.
Yeah, nothing is a secret anymore. that's why I announce my age all the time. Eventually someone will findout anyway so wtf right?
Happy Birthday BTW
Was Carolyn drinking a Fo-tee when she wrote this? Tee hee hee. Happy birthday!
Winks & Smiles,
Wifey
Happy 40th welcome to the club!
You know what they say, Fo-tee is the new hangover.
Well this should keep Felicia Bond busy for awhile.
christ, am I gonna have to write a damn poem about turning FIFTY next week??
dammit.
Happy Birthday you sweaty-BBQ-smellin'-fo-tee-year-old!
Hey Happy Birthday! Sounds like you made the most of it. What's life look like on the wrong side of 40?
I've sweated garlic before, but never BBQ sauce.
Hilarious! Homer Simpson just might exercise in your presence. Hope you had a wonderful birthday weekend!
Best rewrite of a kid's book I've ever read.
happy Birthday!
Well Hell, now I feel bad for not checking Facebook much lately (how often does that happen?)!
Thanks for the invite, you know. I'm like, 5 miles from you. Bi-atch.
I haven't had 40s since Lollapalooza 1993. And that was quite a while ago. But they're sooooo good. Actually, they're awful.
I hope I look like you when I'm 40. I would've pegged you at 35, max!
You're such a youngin'!
I said "youngin'" so you would picture Granny Clampitt in your head. Did it work? Cause that's really how old I am. Maybe.
This was way better than that mouse book, any day.
What the?! When I turned 40, all I got was pizza. PIZZA! What goes with pizza? Beer. Was there beer when I got 40 pizza? No. Someone around here dropped the ball at 41, too. Heads will roll in November if this isn't remedied.
Also, are you free next Friday to do story time at Barnes and Noble?
A. There are worst things to smell like. I danced with a boy in middle school gym who smelled like poo.
B. There are worse ages to be. 13, for example. Think of it as 30-10. I am 30-13, which totally explains my suck-ass year.
Happy birthday! I actually like being in my 40's.
This is a great post! Happy Fo-tee-eth when your big day gets here!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAROL- ANNE……UM, YEAH – NOTHING REDEEMING – IT SUCKS! LYLAS,E
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday lady! Enjoy your Fo-tee!
happy birthday! i'll have to remember this one for my 40th. throw a costume party where everyone has to dress up like a fo-tee belongs in their hand & the party favors will be fo-tees. hope it was good one. this was hilarious.
Pour out a little liquor for the homies. Happy 40th!
Happy birthday! You look not anywhere even close to forty from your picture. RIght on! I turned forty this year too, and it's not been near as bad as I thought it would be. Now I'm closer to 41 and starting to think 41's going to be pretty cool.
Aw, sorry I'm a day late but Happy Birthday! Fo-tees…you crack me up!
Thank you for corrupting one of my kids' favorite books. Hope you had a great birthday, even if no pigs, pancakes or maple syrup were involved.