Parker, who is eight, has a big fat pimple right smack in the middle of her forehead. How did this happen? She looks just. like. me. so in theory she shouldn’t get pimples. Right? Isn’t that how it works? She should get big nasty swollen fever blisters on her lip every time she gets tired or sunburned or stressed just like mommy. But zits? Nope. I didn’t have much to do with those.
Plus she’s 8 so she shouldn’t even be producing whatever the heck it is that makes pimples.
So we have two problems here:
1.) I told her that I didn’t know much about how to treat the pimple because I was more of a herpes simplex 1 girl so even though she looks just. like. mommy. I can’t help her in this department. She burst into tears. I know little one. I’m sorry you have already gotten your first blemish and that you didn’t inherit mommy’s blemish free but herpes infested skin. “No mom! Gah! I hate it when people tell me I look like you! I don’t want to look like you! And I don’t want to look like you when I grow up!”
Oh. Well. Um. Ok then.
2.) The other problem is that Tempel is reading some book about a Yellow Fever outbreak (which I’m reading too because hello? pandemic alert and all but it seems age appropriate – I mean as age appropriate as a book about disease and death can be.) So when Tempel spotted this lovely red bump prominently displayed in the center of Parker’s head she diagnosed it immediately as Yellow Fever.
And now Parker keeps checking the mirror to see if her eyes are turning yellow. I’m imagining that in her mind Yellow Fever is like when Eric Bana’s eyes go green and he turns into The Hulk and Parker is just waiting for that first yellow tinge so she can have the strength of 10 men and then she can properly beat up her big sister.
But if she does change into something resembling something Hulk'ish/Yellow Feverish…at least she won't look like you anymore….Won't that solve at least ONE problem?
I didn't sleep much last night. I've been sitting here in a daze for five minutes thinking of which colour I'd prefer to change to if ever blasted with gamma radiation.
At eight? It's an abberation. i'm sure it's a one time thing. Those cold sores will make an appearance soon enough. Don't you worry mama!
I am the pimple expert. The zit whisperer. Seriously, if you describe it I can give you the proper combination of actions to take (lancing, icing, ointment, advil, etc.) and how to cover it up.
I got your back, yo.
The "yo" makes all that stuff I said up there seem much cooler. right?
Ms. P's R gets them sometimes and shes the same age. Hopefully if it starts early it ends early and by 18 her skin will be flawless!
Yellow Fever is the one you get from prostitutes, right? And then your (censored) leaks (censored) pus and the skin on your (censored) (censored) balls (censored) (censored)?
No wait. That's something else.
I wonder… is she showing any signs of early puberty? I know the "experts" say puberty is starting earlier, but 8 just seems TOO young.
I've found that the best thing for my teenager is the Neutrogena line of skin care products. Pretty expensive, but works really good. They have the daily acne wash, plus the spot treatments.
Just let her know it's not going to last – it'll go away pretty quickly, as long as she doesn't keep touching it.
Um, yeah. Glad to be of help.
I have to say that the comments so far are just as funny and cute as your post! I was never a zit girl either so I too cannot help you or help my daughter (who also looks just like me) if she happens to inherit her dad's zit infested (when he was a kid) skin. And he's a guy so you KNOW he did NOTHING about them when he had them. Ah, well… If you find a solution, let a sistah know, m'kay?
I remember when I had yellow fever. My johnson fell off, and I learned to stay away from Tijuana forever. Come to think of it, that MIGHT not have been yellow fever.
At least I know the right course of action when my kids starting popping up with things on their faces.
Quarantine.
*Raises hand* I want to look like you!
Tell her it could be worse. Everyone tells my daughter that she looks exactly like her dad.
1. That Yellow Fever book is great.
2. Neosporin is actually excellent on zits. Put it on at bedtime. And, if it's really red when she heads off to school, put a little Visine on it. It "gets the red out" of zits too.
Of course I love the post, I love them all, but what I'm really here to say is Happy FORTIETH Birthday my dear old friend, in the most public forum I can. Hopefully you got our delivery and know we ya-ya's send our love. Me most of all. xoxo, Jules
You could tell her that her wishes are being granted and that the universe has answered her prayers- she will no longer look like mom and the red mark is the start of her transformation.
Parker could actually be my child because a) I know all about the pimple (I used to jole with my friends that my forehead was called The Minefield) and b) I suffer from the Herpes simplex 1 too and c) hypochondriac? Check!