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I lied about being the Outdoor Type.

It is T-minus 4 hours and counting until I leave to spend the cold wet weekend at a mountain lake camp with 350 girl scouts and I am a Camporee Hot Mess.

Oy.

I’ve seen Friday the 13th. I know shit can go bad. And I’m pretty sure there are bears in the mountains. Are there bears in the North Georgia mountains? Eh, they probably wouldn’t mess with this group of shrill giggly chicks anyway. And you think they’re bad? You should hear the kids.

Oh I kid. I’m not making fun of the moms that are brave enough to go with their girls on this trip. Most of the mom’s are fantastic. Wonderful. Fun. Some… not so much. Some of them I kind of want to mess with. I thought about suggesting that it would be a good idea to have a Snuggy for Saturday night in the amphitheater. Just to see if a host of Buckhead Betty’s would show up in Snuggies. But that would be mean. And not very scouty of me.

At this point, hours before I leave, after months of emails and planning and scheduling and phone calls, I wonder why. Why did I volunteer to be in charge of this thing? I don’t even like the outdoors all that much.

But today I will pull into camp and they hand over the Blackhawk 5 mile maximum range handheld portable radio. Ahhh.

You civilians might call it a “walkie-talkie.”

I get to wear it on my hip the whole weekend. I get to answer calls of, “Carolyn, what’s your 20?” all day. Sometimes there is an issue of some delicacy and they tell me to transfer to a secure channel. It’s a hip-slung little power shot of ego-boosting sin.

So yeah, I’m embarrassed to admit that I think I keep volunteering to head up this camp thing because they let me play with the walkie-talkie. It’s not pretty but I’m just being honest.

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13 comments to I lied about being the Outdoor Type.

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