Yesterday I walked into the Urgent Care Clinic three minutes after they opened coughing up the majority of my right lung, left eye swollen shut, face pink with fever, and looking as bad as I felt.
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Surly round Oompa Loompa receptionist lady: What seems to be the problem?
Me: Seriously? *cough*cough* I’m clearly infested with germs and viruses. I have twisted my ankle.
Oompa Looma: Sign in and have a seat.
Me: *cough*cough*
Way too perky nurse girl: Hey ma’am, how ya feelin’ t’day? How’s that ankle?
Me: I feel like I look. So pretty shitty. *cough*cough* I was kidding about the ankle. I feel sick.
Perky Nurse: Mmmm, ok. And your symptoms?
Me: Cough for two days, fever on and off, sore throat, aches, headache, head congestion.
Perky Nurse: Mmm hmm, any other symptoms?
Me: Well, that seems like plenty but now that you mention it I believe “irritable” can be added to the list.
Doctor: How are you feeling? It’s not the ankle?
Me: *cough*cough* Um, no. And since you walked in here and found me in the fetal position with my coat over me coughing and wheezing I would think that fairly obvious. I feel sick.
Doctor: Do you have seasonal allergies?
Me: No. I mean I do in the spring but not in the fall.
Doctor: I think you have a sinus infection.
Me: A sinus infection? Really? That’s so… pedestrian. I mean there’s a pandemic going around and you think I have a sinus infection?
Doctor: Here’s your prescription for a Z-pac.
Me: It’s always the Z-pac. You should just get a giant Pez dispenser and put it by the door so people can grab their Z-pac on the way out.
Doctor: What’s a Pez dispenser?
Me: Sigh. *cough*cough*
Hey! I got the Z-Pack last week too! I think they are crap…And if that doctor doesn't know what a Pez dispenser is – clearly you need a doctor older than 12.
It was like I was in the room with you.
And that lousy Z-Pac? SO hard on the stomach!
Pearl
I thought for sure it was tuberculitis or whatever. Good thing I only pretend to be a doctor one night a week, huh?
Unbelievable…honey get a second opinion! Feel better soon.
My dad is a pharmacist and people call him all the time asking where they can get a Z-Pack. Likes it's tylenol or skittles or something that is sitting on a shelf in the store.
And 95% of those people are women. Geesh. It sucks being in the 5% of the population that's not old, stupid and stupider.
I think you should have started licking all of the Instruments in the room and said something like, "ooooh. Looks like you're going to need to sterilized this whole table of fancy Whatchamahoozits. Do they make a Z-Pack aerosol?"
Then give them the Finger.
Too Funny! Hope you feel better!
Craig Glenn
I don't think the Z Packs make it to Hawaii cause I never heard of it. Hmm
Hope you're feeling better.
feel better soon. Read this for laughs – i don't want you to feel left out lol: http://whatdoyoumeanitsduetoday.blogspot.com/2008/10/my-pussy-gave-me-std.html
zpack = pez dispenser. heh. they need a pez dispenser for diet pills. i'd be all over that.
Boo-ya for the Z-Pac! Except when it doesn't really work. Stupid doctors.
Hope your ankle feels better!
Sinus infections are horrible, but they don't sound that bad- they need a scarier sounding name,
I don't know what Z-pac is, but I think you should have kneed him in the jewels and asked him what he'd prescribe for that. Maybe throw one at Oompa Loompa as well cause it sounds like she's packin.
Z-Pack? Does it come with a complimentary hat and some coupons? Is it like doctor swag?
I can't picture it.
I do hope you feel better soon, though. Take care of that ankle.
You seriously need to find a new urgent care.
I agree with Momo – time for a new doctor.
I hate the evil Z-Pac. And hate it when doctors immediately just give us antibiotics because they're too lazy to think about the repercussions. Sorry. I clearly have an issue with this.
Hope you're better.
Jesus, even I know what a Pez dispenser is. Who said watching Seinfeld in the nineties wouldn't teach you anything?
He didn't know what a Pez dispenser is??? Really? Then he is certainly not qualified to practice medicine.
Cheers! (Holds up an imaginary glass of Alka-Seltzer cold medicine.)
I've had a sinus infection for the past two weeks — just started Augmentin on Monday. Hoping my right ear will recommence firing here soon….
Feel better!
I had a similar experience at the doctor, but the doctor just kept trying to pressure me into a pregnancy test. He was convinced this is why I have been sick. I refused and he kept trying to pressure. 'sigh' In the end, I won.
That is crazy! And who doesn't know what a Pez dispenser is??? Although I don't know what a Z-Pack is… maybe they call it something different here in Canada.
Personally, I think you sound rather H1N1'ish. Don't ya think?
Hey Carolyn, I just published our BlogHer 09 interview with you and Darcy.
http://www.5minutesformom.com/10038/the-story-of-a-unique-book/
Boy have I missed getting a belly-laugh from you! I swear, you and my sister could be twins! Only the two of you have these kinds of encounters. My life is so boring! I hope you are feeling better my friend.
Get well soon! It's like a card, but with no dead trees.
If she doesn't know pez, I don't like her. Feel better soon!!
I didn't know you get a fever with a sinus infection?
What do I know. I'm not a doctor and own a Pez dispenser.
Hilarious. And why is it so damn difficult to get a z-pack? We have one spare in the house and my husband and I are fighting over it. What I'd give for a pez dispenser of z-packs. Or a drive through.
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