This is part of an email conversation between me and Darcy from Post Picket Fence. We were preparing for the feast of course. Darcy and I email a lot. Daily. Which was why we wrote The Book.

To: DarcyFrom: Carolyn

I just dropped the giblets and bloody water out of my turkey’s asshole and all over [...]

Wake up people! You have a feast to prepare to celebrate the decimation of an indigenous population. Sorry . . . to hear my kids tell the Thanksgiving story it sounds like the pilgrims devoured the Indian’s food for three days then slaughtered them and danced on the still warm corpses. I guess they’re teaching [...]

I just spent 40 minutes searching my house for my iPod earplugs so I could listen to Sex on Fire really really loud without my 8 year old going, “Mommy! I love this song.” And then proceeding to sing: Yo! You’re such a bad liar.They’re trying to ruin music for me. I can’t have that.

Also? [...]

I’m pretty sure Parker wants to get into the movie making business.

The very lucrative Pee-Oh-R-En movie making business.

This is the flier she made for her auditions:

I can tell it’s a Pee-Oh-R-En because the stick figures doing the acting have little hearts drawn in connecting their mouths. There are two scenes apparently. First, when the dishwasher [...]

I completely forgot that I was going to tell you people why the Department of Family and Child Services might be after me. As soon as the wounds heal the whole story zips out of my head apparently. But I was going through pictures this weekend and remembered. Ahh it’s so fun to the the [...]

My blog is moving. I don’t know the details exactly. It’s kind of like the Witness Protection Program. They’re going to swoop in and wisk me away to a designated location and I’m just riding in the back of the van with the cute agents and their US Government issued sunglasses.

I’m busy. Busy. Busy. Please [...]

Ok bloggers, most of you know about a little manic daily blog thing in November called NowGoBloMe. Wait that’s not it . . . NoMoreBloPops.

Oh I kid. It’s called NaBloPoMo = Nationl Blog Posting Month. And there’s it’s little bastard cousin called NaNoWriMo = National Novel Writing Month.

I’m not participating in either of these November [...]

You know what’s weird? Aside from your obsession with all things vampire and my dog’s ceaseless ball licking?

Gravity.

Gravity is weird because there seems to be a rift at my front door. Really. Gravity is stronger just after you pass over the threshold into my house. It’s so strong in fact that it manages to pull [...]

Snickers are poisonous.

That gorilla is totally real.

Reese’s give you Salmonella.

Sorry honey, there’s no more beer in the cooler.

Oh no, mommy doesn’t mind the rain. You take the umbrella.

You’re allowed to go to the same house twice if they’re giving away chocolate.

We have to hurry because Trick-or-Treating ends at 8:00 sharp.

Um no, I don’t think [...]