You know what’s weird? Aside from your obsession with all things vampire and my dog’s ceaseless ball licking?
Gravity.
Gravity is weird because there seems to be a rift at my front door. Really. Gravity is stronger just after you pass over the threshold into my house. It’s so strong in fact that it manages to pull things off of my children and onto the floor.
I don’t see another explanation for it. They walk in the door like normal bipedal backpack carrying mammals and then swoosh! the second they cross the threshold their backpacks fall to the floor. Their shoes fly off. Their jackets are sucked to the earth. I see no other reasonable explanation.
Gravity, it seems, is stronger at my front door.
It’s probably hard to get the better of a gravitational pull all drunk with power and running amok in my foyer like that but I’m going to try. I’ve decided that everything that gets sucked to the ground by this errant gravity field will be my booty. Because I’m like a Gravity Pirate. Arrgghh.
So I will diligently gather up my booty every day and take it to the caves where I will bury my treasure. Half of my stash will go into the cave known as Tempel’s Bed and the other half will go into the cave known as Parker’s Bed.
Tempel’s Bed will conceal a bountiful treasure comprised of dirty Uggs, smelly Tupperware containers with sticky strawberry juice, candy wrappers, one red fuzzy sweatshirt jacket with the sleeves turned inside-out, and a backpack heavy with Pokemon cards.
Parker’s Bed will be ripe with stinky shin guards, muddy soccer cleats, reams of papers and file folders, one Tupperware container filled with the crust of a peanut butter sandwich, and a backpack heavy with ill-begotten colored pencils.
I will tuck these treasures in their beds – I mean caves – under their pillows and stuffed animals and blankets. Then every night the girls can keep watch over the stinky sticky smelly loot to make sure it doesn’t get sucked through the black hole in our foyer.
A mother’s work is never done.
so THAT'S why it happens. I was wondering.
My teenager still does it but she would love it if I carried her heavy backpack and shoes etc… up to her room. I'm not throwing her any my bones!
Oh yes! That explains it. There must be a rift at my door as well. Which however happens to be in the kitchen. So you never know as my kids clothing gets sucks to the earth it often tends to land in places like the sink
Carolyn,
I believe you have indeed stumbled upon yet another of life’s scientific mysteries. I rate this right up there with the button in my, well let’s say, butt. My dogs have an implanted device just under the skin. It alerts them the minute I sit down and activate the button. This button then stimulates the urge to “go” in their brains and they need to go out immediately.
I understand or thought I understood how this works with kids but I just can’t figure out how the dogs got those darn chips…
You can read my story here!
Nice post C!
Craig Glenn
This totally happens in my house. Except I don't have kids. It happens to me. I think my roommate is about to take my stuff off to her cave.
My house is also stricken with this phenomena of physics. Strangely none of my possessions fall into it at the doorway, but everyone else's does. There may be a small one on my side of the bed though. Maybe.
This explains everything. My husband will feel so vindicated. Sadly – I can't dump everything in his bed since it's mine too.
You need a drink
My mom did the same when we were kids only she one day THREW OUR SHIT AWAY. No joke. It was days 'til we relized somethings were missing and that was that. It was too late. I remember being stunned that she would do such a thing but boy, the message was received.
Excellent post. Try the Saturday basket. Everything that enters said basket cannot leave said basket until Saturday.
It sucks when you have to wear last year's, too-small tennis shoes to school.
Wow…the gravity pit in my house is the kitchen table. Weird how it moves around in peoples houses.
The Gravity Pirate…priceless.
LMAO,
♥Spot
My dad used to put my dirty dishes in my bed. He only had to do it once or twice, that's how quickly I learned the valuable lesson, which was that I had better hide my dirty dishes around the house in cupboards and drawers.
I don't know how that strategy applies to clothes and tupperware though. I guess I'd have to burn them?
i am so doing this.
I embarassed myself in a lecture the other day by talking about the 'theory' of gravity. I don't even remember why I was talking about it, I teach genetics. But 'theory'? As if gravity is controversial? Maybe I should show my students this post…
Is it some kind of black hole that appears at the threshold of every home with minor children? Because I have the same thing, along with another, I believe related phenomenon: the force field surrounding the laundry hamper that allows clothes to fall BESIDE it but not IN it.
Seriously, it's like a horror movie over here…only instead of blood and gore it's dirty socks and cookie crumbs.
Reason number 435 to appreciate not being a mom.
Ours seems to be the over-sized chair in the living room. The force is strong in that one.
The real question is, will the girls sleep with all that stuff in there? Cause I'm pretty sure my son would just shove it all over and go to sleep.
I told my kid if she doesn't start bringing her sweaters home I'm not buying anymore and boy it sure can be cold in January
It's the Universe, it's out to get you….
This happens in my kitchen, and the phenomena revolves around my husband and his perpetual gadgetry jones.
Apparently cookbooks are an integral part of the equation as well, but damned if I know the maths behind it all.
Good God, I just want empty space on top of the fridge and 2/3 of the counters. Maybe I will talk to Jesus about this.
Huh, that's weird. We had the same problem at our house but then we got a puppy. And now the gravity level seems to have moved from the floor and up to counters- everything sticks to the counters now.
Gravity — It's not just a good idea… it's the law.
Thanks for the laugh!
I tried the "putting their stuff in their beds" trick, but it didn't work. They just slept with it, and then somehow it ended up getting lost.
I’ve been a large fan of pokemon since I firstsaw it. Of course, i have played all of the games and my top favorite pokemon is darkrai. He’s also one of the toughest pokemon to capture. So Ive foundeda siteto show people how to capturedarkrai in the pokemon games.