Query letter follow-up.

Dear Ms. Agent (to whom I mailed my movel because you looked so nice in your firm’s bio picture):

I just wanted to follow-up with you regarding my novel (which I know you thought was AWEsome!) that I sent to you some weeks ago. Frankly, I’ve been so busy I forgot to follow-up with you properly (or stalk you via the Internet which had been my plan initially.)

Last week I had a house-full of puking people (I know - too much information – but I hear that adding a lot of detail is a good thing and something that I have been told to work on since I prefer a more raw and bare style of writing) and if there had been a competitive Shitting For Distance Contest one of my kids would have won for sure. (Do you see how I’ve improved on my detail-adding-ability right here in this very paragraph? You’re welcome.)

So anyway, last week was overrun by the flu (which I never got because I’m strong-like-bull so when I get booked on that twenty city book tour I will not fail you Ms. Agent Lady) and this week I’m afraid I’ve been a tad busy with various volunteer activities (that I totally got roped into) because I’m a giver.

And so my follow-up with you (stalking) is a few days late. Which I am just now realizing is unfortunate. I’m not sure if I feel worse for me (totally) for spending so much time finding you and researching you and mailing you a thoughtful query letter with my first thirty pages as instructed. Or if I feel worse for you (not at all) for disappearing. Because you have. Disappeared I mean. Completely wiped from the Internet. You’re not on your company’s website, or that list of agents, or even that other blog forum where I had diligently followed you.

You. Have. Vanished.

It’s as if Bill Gates himself swooped down from on high and touched the Internet with his hand thereby erasing your existence. Which sucks for you. (And selfishly I’m wondering why you weren’t able to just shoot out a quick rejection letter to me before you disapparated.)

So technically I guess I feel worse for you for evaporating than I do for myself for not getting a proper rejection letter from you. (That’s a total lie but Bill Gates might be reading this and I don’t want him to think less of me…morally.)

So I guess this is where we part ways Ms. Agent Lady. I hope you have only disappeared electronically and not in reality (what? I’m not a monster.)

Sincerely, Carolyn